Worth the Fight
by r2roswell
Summary: A short mini two chapter story. Maggie Sawyer has a secret. When it comes to the person she cares about most will she try to run or will she allow that person to see her for who she really is and the scars that bear her name?
1. WARNINGS

_**WARNINGS**_

 **[1. WARNING]**

 _ **Involves some slight sexual content.**_

 _ **I've never written a detailed sex scene for an LGBT**_

 _ **c**_ _ **ouple before so I don't know how intense it might be**_

 _ **but I'm placing this warning just in case.**_

* * *

 **[2. TRIGGER WARNING]**

 _ **The story deals heavily with self harm.**_

 _ **Some of the descriptions are heavily detailed.**_


	2. Beauty from Inside

**Ch. 1: Beauty from Inside**

Time and again, partner after partner they had asked. It had never mattered to her before. She'd lost too much of herself respect over the years to even care. Still they'd ask but she never gave them a direct response. Instead she deflected and changed the subject. She knew not knowing bothered her partners and if she loved them or gave the slightest indication that she cared, she would be honest but there were simply some things you could tell no one and this had been one of them. They couldn't know, no one could, and she didn't want them to know, never until this night.

Since Maggie had gone over to Alex's apartment and admitted her feelings and kissed her, they'd gone on several dates but tonight would be the first night either of them had been ready to take things to the next level and it had been Alex who'd ask her to stay.

Maggie wanted to be with Alex more than anything but she could feel herself holding back. They'd been kissing for a while, their dessert of tiramisu long forgotten on the kitchen counter.

Alex made her way to the buttons on Maggie's blouse and for a moment Maggie pulled away.

"I'm sorry," said Alex, "we don't have to do this."

"No I want to, I'm just…scared."

"Shouldn't that be my line? I've never been intimate like this before and I want to with you."

Maggie shook her head, "No it's not that."

"Maggie it's okay, you can tell me."

Maggie took a deep breath, "I'm scared…of what you'll see."

Maggie had never been this shy before. Though she despised what was beneath her clothes, she had come to see them like a mole or a birthmark but tonight was different. Tonight the one woman who made her feel alive and true would see and that terrified her.

Maggie took another breath and began to take off one of the buttons. She then reached for Alex's hands and let her take off the rest. Button by button, Alex slowly revealed the secret beneath the shirt. Without saying a word, Alex ran her fingers tenderly over the various shaped scars, some having been so deep that they were keiloid in form. And they weren't your typical cop wound scars. They were more personal and Alex could tell by Maggie's reaction.

Seeing that Alex was not repulsed by what she saw, Maggie brought Alex's right hand to cup her left breast. With her left hand, Alex wrapped it around Maggie's hip. Alex lowered her head and tasted the scars one by one sending a chill down Maggie's spine and causing her nipples to harden. Alex took her hands and moved them to the back to unclip Maggie's bra.

Alex stood in wonder for a moment both in awe of seeing Maggie without her shirt and bra and then noticing the scars on the skin that the bra cups had covered.

Maggie looked away, ashamed and with her own hands and arms did her best to cover up her chest.

Slowly Alex put her hands on Maggie's, lowering her arms to reveal her breasts and scars.

"It's okay," Alex whispered as she again touched each scar, feeling the raised scar tissue of some of them, touching them as if they were all sacred in their own right.

No one had aroused Maggie in this way. No one had taken the time to visit each scar and until this moment she'd never wanted her past partners to. For as long as she had her scars they had been an indifferent force she could not bring herself to get rid of. There were scar treatments but one the one occasion she'd tried and noticed a scar disappearing she panicked and decided to never use them again. It was a love-hate relationship she had with them which made her ordeal that much more confusing, almost as if getting rid of them meant getting rid of the pain and battles she'd been fighting. Keeping them made her calmer than not having them at all.

For the first time tonight her scars had become a sense of pleasure that she hadn't thought she could feel. Yes she'd been with women who had seen and felt them before but she'd been so numb to it, numb and disassociated from them that her scars meant nothing.

Maggie allowed herself to feel the full effect of Alex's touch. As Alex worked on her chest, Maggie brought her face and began sucking on Alex's neck. The two turned toward each other, their mouths coming together. Hastily Maggie removed Alex's shirt and bra, wanting to feel the full force of her chest on hers. Their lips again met as the shirt and bra dropped to the floor, Alex picking up Maggie with ease and taking her to the bed.

"Guess it's a good thing you fight aliens for a living," Maggie teased in regards to Alex's strength.

Alex smiled. She hovered above Maggie, enjoying the glow on her face from the candles they had lit earlier. Maggie reached up and began to unzip Alex's pants, Alex helping along the way, removing her panties in the process.

For a moment Alex wasn't ready to take off Maggie's pants. She glided back and forth, allowing the softness of the fabric to give her the arousal she wanted.

Maggie could feel the wetness from both of them. She then began unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, lowering them and her panties down, Alex removed the rest and tossed them carelessly across the room.

Both completely free of the fabrics that confined them, Alex hovered above Maggie, fondling her breasts with simplicity, her body telling her that despite her lack of experience, yes she was made for this, for Maggie. She gently ran her hands that lined Maggie's top chest and breasts then lowered herself, their lips meeting, their pelvises coming together, legs tangling with each other and on they progressed into the night.


	3. Worth the Fight

**Ch. 2: Worth the Fight**

Early before the sun even rose, Alex and Maggie lay in bed their bodies completely bare except for the sheets they'd entangled themselves in.

"I'm sorry," Maggie said as her head lay Alex's chest.

"For what?"

"For what you have to see."

"The scars?"

"Yeah."

"I don't understand…I mean you've…. you've been with other women before right?"

"None that truly mattered. Last night I was going to try to forget like I've done before but the way you looked at them, the way you touched them… Alex, for the first time you made them real. It was the first time I've ever felt ashamed of someone seeing them. The first time I've ever wanted to explain."

"Maggie, you don't have to."

"Yes I do. After everything that happened last night, after everything you helped me feel, I owe you an explanation, you deserve that."

"I'm listening."

Maggie took a deep breath. She had never told anyone her secret. The fact that she cut only on her chest made things easier. People didn't see, people didn't think it was a shout out to the world that a person was damaged. At the same time that was also the reason it was dangerous. It was her own secret, even from the women she'd slept with. Her secret cutting place matched the internal struggle in her mind: both hidden from the world and the people who knew her.

"After I came out," Maggie began, "things got dark for a while. A friend I just had a falling out, people talked, and my parents tried but they couldn't really understand, and I didn't feel comfortable with the guidance counselor. I basically had no one to talk to. Cutting, it… it helped. In doing it I felt relief. Even though my problems were still there, the cutting made them real, it somehow made it all easier to deal with. I know it sounds stupid."

Alex wrapped an arm around Maggie, bringing her closer, their bodies touching. "No not stupid. It became your outlet. I get that. I'm just sorry you had to go though it alone. How old were you?"

"Fourteen. It lasted until I was twenty-two. I thought by joining the academy straight out of high school it would help make it stop but sometimes the addiction of it can hold a person so deep that stopping feels impossible. It finally reached a point where I asked myself what I wanted most: being a cop or being a cutter. When I figured that out I was able to think clearly and see I had a problem. I've been clean now for four years. It would have been five but I relapsed."

"Hey you should be proud of those four years. I am."

Maggie looked at Alex and smiled, "I'm glad I'm here."

"Me too. Thank you for telling me and trusting me."

"Thank you, Alex, for not judging me."

Maggie raised herself up as Alex came down to her, their lips meeting in ferocity of eagerness: Maggie for feeling acceptance from her lover and Alex for being worthy enough of Maggie's trust.

They still had several hours before they had to officially get out of bed and get their day started but for now the rest of the early pre-dawn hours were theirs and for once Maggie felt like the cutting, despite how long it had been, no longer controlled her and that was enough to find satisfaction in the pleasure that Alex provided.

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 **[END.]**


	4. Author's Notes

**AUTHOR'S NOTE & TRIGGER WARNING:**

 _ **CAREFUL READING BEYOND THIS POINT.**_

 _ **IT INVOLVES TALK AS TO WHY I GAVE MAGGIE THE SPECIFIC SCARS I DID**_

 _ **AS WELL AS OTHER DETAILED INFORMATION REGARDING SELF HARM.**_

* * *

The past few weeks I've been dealing with a lot of stress. It got to the point where I relapsed from my own cutting after having been clean for 2 years. I can't tell you how much it pains me for that. How I hate that it happened and how I hate how much guilt I feel despite it being over and done with. Not to mention the fact that I dissociated from it to the point where it became a blackout and I can't remember how or what happened. I only remember what caused it and I only know it happened because of the newly fermented scars. Maybe that's for the best, I'm not sure.

When it came to wanting to write an SI (self injury) story for one of my fandoms, Supergirl was the show that I thought of. I've written an SI story in the past (Once Upon a Time I gave the character Emma Swan the addiction of it). When it came to Supergirl, I felt a kind of satisfaction when I thought of the Supergirl characters that I imagined for possibly suffering through SI behavior and Maggie was the character that kept showing up in my mind even when I would try the scenario out on other characters, it was Maggie who seemed like the perfect fit and who "talked to me" in that sense.

The reason I gave her the SI behavior on her chest was because it's something that is deeply personal to me. My scars range from my arm, which I have since covered up with tattoos, and they also run along my chest. I do have some that are keloid in which the scar tissue has been raised. As a girl I cannot bring myself to wear your average girl shirts which range from low cut to v-neck. I've always been into guy graphic t's but lately it's because of my chest scars that I wear them more frequently because the collars are higher and they don't sag so my scars aren't shown. I haven't exactly dealt with the ones on my chest given that our chest is one of those quote on quote "sacred and very intimate and personal places".

I've come to terms with the scars on my arm but the scars on my chest are ones that I'm still struggling to deal with and accept.

Maggie's experience with the scar solutions and scar removal patches/creams is actually based off an exact experience I had with it. I tried years ago to use them, testing it out a scar cream on just one scar and when I noticed it fading I flipped out. I started to panic and swore I'd never use them again because the idea of them fading into nothing was too much for me to take.

Now when it comes to Maggie's own sexuality and her partner seeing her scars, this idea was based off one of my own fears. As women our most vulnerable part of our bodies is our chest. Because of my scars I have this fear of a future partner seeing them and every bad thing that could happen- asking questions, being freaked out or bothered by them, etc so to me it seemed logical to project those fears onto a character that I adore deeply.

Writing this story was very important to me. And in its own way it became a type of therapy- placing my own experiences onto the page and onto the character where in the fiction world, no burden is too great.


	5. LYRICS

**Worth the Fight by: Broods**

Something tipped me over  
Someone knocked me down  
Emptied out my inside  
Poured it on the ground

A cavern for a body,  
The deeper darker kind  
For all I hear are echoes,  
Repeat inside my mind  
I thought the shade around me,  
was making me feel blind  
I thought I was a hero,  
but I was just a child

So fill me up and let me try  
To show you beauty from inside  
I pray I will, I pray I might  
Still be somebody worth the fight

Something brings me closer  
to the sadder sounds  
Builds the world around me  
that once burnt to the ground

A cavern for a body,  
the deeper darker kind  
For all I hear are echoes,  
repeat inside my mind  
I thought the shade around me,  
was making me feel blind  
I thought I was a hero,  
but I was just a child

So fill me up and let me try  
To show you beauty from inside  
I pray I will, I pray I might  
Still be somebody worth the fight  
Be somebody, be somebody, be somebody, be somebody

I won't let you down  
I won't let you down

So fill me up and let me try (fill me up and let me try)  
To show you beauty from inside  
I pray I will, I pray I might (pray I will, I pray I might)  
Still be somebody worth the fight (I won't let you down)  
So fill me up and let me try (fill me up and let me try)  
To show you beauty from inside (show you beauty from inside)  
I pray I will, I pray I might (pray I will, I pray I might) (I won't let you down)  
Still be somebody worth the fight


End file.
